By Weltmar A. Gremplemeier, III Chairman and Professor Emeritus Department of Ruminations Rhode Island University

Background

The background is what's behind the subject of the photograph. I should have thought that obvious.

The Test

Early in 1992, a Rhode Island University (RIU) study team made up of Dr. Gremplemeier and an unidentified graduate student (see Figures 1 and 2), developed a series of tests with the undergraduate population to determine the efficacy of auto recognition and auto ID.

The delay in publishing these results is due to the fact that the typewriter ribbon ran out.

Methodology

Twenty-three undergraduate students of mixed race and sex [mixed sex? -Ed.] were selected at random by the University computer which normally handles course assignments. No modifications to its programming were required.

Students were then instructed (well, okay, prodded) to stand at a busy intersection and count autos (as opposed to buses, trucks, motorcycles, farm implements, UFOs, and other types of vehicles commonly found in southern Rhode Island).

Following this experiment, the same group of students (minus the three that could not differentiate between a greyhound dog and a bus and tried to pet it) were again prodded (with somewhat greater vehemence) to assess the makes of autos and, if possible, the year of production.

Null Hypothesis

The null hypothesis was that these students were so dim that they were unlikely to graduate and would be no loss to society should they fail to be able to distinguish between a dog and a bus and attempt to pet it.

Results

Using a Sigma Cow Mu linear digression, the study team determined that a statistically significant segment of the undergraduate population could adequately perform auto recognition.

In the follow-up study, it was ascertained that undergraduates were of little use for overall auto ID, not being able to identify anything more esoteric than a '57 Chevy.

Conclusion

Somebody around here should learn how to change a bloody typewriter ribbon.

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